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my life in a nutshell

I had to lose my extra pic space here and my paid account. Alas, I don't have the money for it. However, the reason I don't have the money is pretty amazing. I'm not renewing my contract at my job. As of the end of this month, I will no longer be employed there. Eight and a half years after starting, I'm packing up my classroom and turning in my keys.

I'm terrified, scared out of my mind. I'm afraid I won't find a new teaching job, afraid that I won't find any job, afraid of leaving the place I've been since I completed my M.Ed long ago. I'm scared that I'm making the wrong decision, even when I know WITH ALL MY HEART that it is the right one.

I'm scared that if I get a part time job this summer, because my wife has blessedly agreed to let me do that and she'll foot extra of the bills, that given the opportunity to write and try this, I won't succeed.

Ultimately, I'm afraid that I won't succeed, and I'm ever more afraid to try. If I don't try, then all I did was not try. If I try and don't succeed, what does that mean?

UGH


this post brought to you by the letters E, M and O, and by the concept: anxiety.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
poisontaster
Jun. 14th, 2012 03:37 pm (UTC)
You can do it. Go out there and get you some, girl!
sweetiejelly
Jun. 15th, 2012 01:39 am (UTC)
Monday, I'm so excited for you! You're courageous to do this and I tip my hat off to you. Really, really crossing everything for you (and us) that we get to buy your books in the near future. :D Also, have I mentioned excited? Cause very! <3
penguinlady
Jun. 17th, 2012 04:26 am (UTC)
Big, huge hugs to you, lovely. You have to follow your heart and do the right thing for yourself. It will turn out all right, eventually!
ladysonsie
Jun. 20th, 2012 07:28 am (UTC)
I'm super proud of you, bb. Truly. This takes such an insane amount of courage and guts and you should feel just ridiculously proud of yourself.

To have this anxiety and fear and still go thru with it? Gosh, just seriously so happy and excited for you! I think this is amazing. I know it's scary but in the end, no matter what happens, this sounds like exactly what you should be doing.

Good luck and can't wait to see where this takes you!

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )